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by Jayaram V
Most of us are familiar with adversity. We have either experienced it
ourselves or seen someone else suffering form it. Many people are familiar with the way adversity moulds our lives and shapes our thoughts either for good or bad. Adversity has this propensity. It either builds or destroys. It builds those who are strong enough to withstand its wickedness and wise enough to learn from its strange teachings. It destroys those who lose faith in themselves and in the innate strength of the human spirit, our wondrous capacity to survive against odds. The problem or the opportunity with adversity is it lasts so long as we do not learn the wisdom it intends to teach us with its ugly
smirk.
Adversity has this air of unpredictability about it. That's why we come across situation that may last for a while and some for years together consuming our inner peace and resources and leaving us with bitter memories that we would hate to remember. Depending upon the situation, our own world views and attitudes we learn to deal with such situations in our own individual ways. Some times these methods lead to success and happiness. But some times they put us in deeper trouble and lead to more pain and suffering. Since there is so much of uncertainty attached to our actions, there is no one particular way to deal with the problem of adversity. We need a great deal of awareness and intelligence and some time tested
principles to sail through the rough weather.
Difficult situations defined: Adversity is any unfavorable situation that is not conducive to realization of ones goals. It is a situation that is seemingly out of our control, defy known solutions and seem to threaten our existence or survival, at least temporarily, leading to moments of anxiety, frustration, feelings of guilt, helplessness and sense of inadequacy. Following are some of the more specific situations. The details in each individual situations may however vary:
- Loss of job or gainful employment
- Business failure
- Loss of income
- Separation from near and dear
- Prolonged illness
- Repeated rejections and failures
- Reduced income or excessive debts.
- Relationship problems and conflicts
- Unfavorable circumstances or environment
- Conflict with Law or institutions
Coping: The coping strategies we usually evolve to deal with difficult situations are products of our individual awareness, past experiences, belief systems and the environment in which we live. In some societies people consider adversity as a consequence of ones wrong actions either in this life or in some previous ones. They attribute it to the combination of stars and circumstances and look to universal forces for necessary guidance, intervention or help. In some societies people regard adversity as a result of some displeasure on the part of the spirits or God. They try to mend their ways or appease the ethereal beings by indulging in various rituals or superstitious acts. In materialistic societies people regard adversity as a
personal failure or a combination of chance and wrong choices. Since they internalize failure and accept responsibility for their failures, they suffer a great deal more than those who externalize their failures as some divine or karmic retribution.
Fundamentally each of us is endowed with an inherent capacity to deal with adverse situations. We all are great survivors and heroes of this world in our own ways. In this vast universe we are undoubtedly unique beings because we learned in the shortest span of our history how to cope with different situations and adapt ourselves to different challenges. In the known part of the universe there is none compared to us. Despite our propensity to misjudge ourselves and underestimate our own abilities and potentialities or lead ourselves astray, we have the innate intelligence to understand a situation and deal with it. We know how to sense the environment around us and establish some meaningful relationship with it. We can predict logical
outcomes in uncertain environments and prepare ourselves to meet with it.
Since the earliest times of our civilizations, we have innovated, improved and perfected many systems and ideas and developed a huge arsenal of defensive and protective mechanisms to protect our selves from debilitating forces and consolidate our position on earth as the ultimate species of survival. We have walked a long way from the caves to cities and from the primitive worlds to the modern. We are incapable of appreciating this heroic struggle of our ancestors and this story of our stupendous success, because we are disunited and divided on racial, religious or national grounds and are busy with our petty politics for control and conflicts for resources. Many of us tend to take pride for being part of a particular race, nation,
or religion, caste or community. We hardly appreciate the fact that we are part of a great humankind, a unique form of life in the vast spaces of the gigantic universe.
Principles: Adversity strikes us in many ways. Much of our fear and anxiety is for this reason only. Most of us turn to God or become philosophical because at the back of our minds we know how precarious our existence is and how incapable we really are against the forces of Nature. The irony is neither material wealth nor strength takes away this fear and this psychological uncertainty. And when it really comes, many remain unprepared and take a long time to prepare for the battle. The fundamental truth about adversity is, it is there because you have invited it through some opening in your personality or consciousness and it wont go away until you realize the flaw and correct it.
In this section we present some of the important principles that may prove to be helpful to deal with difficult situations. We are stating the principles because while our actions and methods may vary, the principles underlying them are more or less the same. These principles provide the necessary background against which an individual can work out his plans to deal with different situations or strengthen himself against the forces of adversity and uncertainty.
1. Learn from your past. As stated already, adversity comes into our lives because somewhere in our lives we open a door for it. It may be because of some flaw in our character, thinking or attitude. It is therefore very important to analyze our thoughts and actions to understand what in us attracted this situation in the first place. A careful analysis of our immediate past can bring to light the real causes that precipitated the present adversity. It would help an individual to understand the role he played in precipitating the tragedy and what actions he should have done or not done to prevent it from happening. Was it because he was careless, ruthless, over confident, unprepared, or was it because he trusted an untrustworthy
person? A careful analysis of ones past is therefore very crucial to understand the causes that brought about the adversity in the first place. In adversity it is normal for people to think about the past in an emotional way or prejudiced way. It is also normal on their part to try to forget about it in order to avoid the painful memories associated with it. But what is actually required is an intelligent and rationale analysis of the past in order to learn from it and avoid similar mistakes. In life we cannot afford to repeat mistakes more often.
2. Accept responsibility. It is normal for people to internalize success and externalize failure. In other words we attribute success to our individual merits while we tend to blame the external forces or events for most of our failures. This is the most natural way we preserve our self esteem and protect ourselves from getting hurt. While such an attitude may provide temporary relief, it will also prevent us from taking appropriate actions to deal with our failures. A student may attribute his poor grades in the examination to the teacher or the school or the education policy, ignoring the fact that he was busy with his friends on crucial occasions when he should have studying or seldom listened to the lectures in the class room. His
lopsided thinking may help him emotionally to cope with failure, but it is difficult to believe that it would eventually get him good grades. What may help him actually is when he looks at himself honestly and accepts responsibility for his actions and failures. By accepting responsibility for his problems he will bring the problem into his domain of control and will eventually deal with it by doing what is with in his capability. By knowing the actual cause and knowing what he can do, he will rise to the occasion and steer his way through the difficulty.
3. Join forces. When we are in difficulties we tend to avoid people. We go into a shell. We become depressed and defensive and withdraw into ourselves. We avoid phone calls, conversations and possible contacts. We stay indoors like a wounded tiger licking its wounds in some dark cave. The fact is when a person is going through some serious difficulties he actually need a great deal of help and support from other people, his friends, relations or previous contacts. He may need an effective network of friendships, relationships and associations who may help him eventually with suggestions or material support and enable him to pull himself through difficult situations. When a person is in difficulties it makes sense to acknowledge that
he needs help. It makes sense to seek help from others. As long as he is not approaching wrong people against the established moral and social values and against his own conscience, those who may exploit him and eventually land him into even greater problems by their unscrupulous methods, it makes sense to seek the help of those whom he can trust and truly rely upon. It is true that when in difficulties a person is more vulnerable to temptations and easy solutions. It is therefore extremely important for him to form alliances with worthy people and seek their help while guarding himself against the temptations of evil people.
4. Don't miss opportunities: Three things happen when a person is in difficulties. Firstly, he becomes depressed and loses focus. Secondly he becomes insecure and less confident. Thirdly he becomes dejected and cynical and develops a negative attitude towards the system that he believes gave him all the trouble. These three most unfortunate developments in his personality reduces his overall effectiveness and efficiency to recognize the many opportunities that he would have otherwise noticed and utilized successfully. Of these the first one takes away his sensitivity to identify the opportunities that come his way. The second and the third mental conditions prevent him from seizing the opportunities even though he clearly perceives them.
In other words when a person is passing through adversity, he loses many opportunities to redeem himself from the adverse situation, where as what is required is to remain focused so that when the opportunities present themselves he becomes aware of them and seizes them at the right time. He needs to understand his irrational fears and remain confident so that by being alive to the new worlds of opportunities he can vastly improve his chances of survival and success.
5. Conserve your resources: Generally speaking adversity is a situation where a person suffers from some kind of scarcity - a resource, some means, some capacity or opportunity to deal effectively with a situation or some vacuum or void that cannot be filled. We suffer when we lack something but need it badly. For the same reason, adversity also creates in us a deeper longing for the thing we do not have or we want badly. Therefore when things are not going well, it becomes all the more important for a person to realize the value and importance of his existing resources because by losing them he would create more scarcity for himself and thereby cause himself additional suffering and pain. Amidst difficulties a person needs to keep
his costs down and his inventory of personal resources up so that if necessary he can prolong his battle against his adversary. He should spend his resources reasonably and only when necessary.
6. Prepare for a long battle: Because we are not certain how long a situation would last and how things would eventually turn out, it is better to be prepared for all eventualities in adverse circumstances. The longer the time frame we work out the better, because such an approach prepares us mentally to persevere till the end. It also saves us from the trouble of losing hope or getting frustrated. In life each action leads to one or more consequences and each consequence demands one or more remedial actions. We really do not know how things would eventually turn out. It is therefore better to prepare ourselves mentally to face the situation for longer periods of time.
7. Be objective: People normally become emotional and subjective when things are not going well. It is indeed difficult to be rationale and objective when there is trouble all around. But the truth is emotions make matters worse. They complicate the situation and make the problems difficult to solve. Therefore it is very important that we keep our cool and learn to think objectively in the midst of difficulties. With objective thinking we can vastly improve our chances of overcoming our difficulties. Objectivity means detachment and freedom from emotional and prejudiced thinking. Objectivity adds clarity to our thoughts and improves the quality of our decisions. With objective thinking comes realistic awareness of our situations and
problems which in turn helps us deal with the problem situations more effectively. With objectivity a person will become aware of his own shortcomings and weaknesses. It will help him avoid committing the same mistakes or repeating his erroneous thinking. He will also develop better network of relationships because he is not excluding people from his life based on his prejudiced notions.
8. Be optimistic: When things are down and unfavorable, optimism is the biggest help. Without optimism, it is rather difficult to pass through the dark caves of adversity and suffering. Whatever be the degree of difficulty, an individual can pass through them, deal with them and manage them successfully, only when has copious amounts of hope stored in him. Without hope nothing much is accomplished in life. Without hope man would have never come this far because in our short history on earth, as a race, we have emerged through many difficult situations triumphed over many destructive forces. These tasks were accomplished by our ancestors because they had unshakeable faith in themselves to deal with them. In time of difficulties, nations,
groups and individuals succeed only when they believe that they would ultimately and eventually triumph over their adversary. One of the paradoxes of life it is always never the same. In its impermanence is the hope and the tragedy. One event follows another. One situation develops into another. Something comes in to replace something else. So, whatever be the difficulty, it makes sense not to lose hope. However daunting it may be, with hope you can steer yourself successfully out of any difficulty. Hope prolongs your willingness to persevere and stand against the toughest of odds. Hope keeps alive your dynamism and enthusiasm to continue your fight till you accomplish your goals. So when things are not going well for you, keep tons of optimism
in your heart and fight your battles with confidence.
9. Be open minded: Adversity at times creates such bitterness in our minds that we develop mental walls all around us and prevent ourselves from accepting new ideas, situations and people entering into our lives. We find it difficult to venture into new situations about which we have no previous experience. We hesitate to deal with people about whom we cannot make an intelligent guess. Hurt already by difficult and unpleasant situations in the past, we become over sensitive to the prospects of embracing new ideas or new situations in our lives that may lead to uncertain consequences. Unfortunately, such an attitude may give us some temporary relief. But it would prevent us from being innovative and creative in our approach to
solve our problems or deal with different situations. When we are in difficulties what we need most is more ideas, more friends or supporters, more opportunities, more solutions, more resources and options, so that we can choose our options wisely out of them. But we can't have them unless we are willing to clear our preconceived notions and break free from our existing paradigms, fears and prejudices that normally prevents us from venturing into unknown areas or experiment with new ideas. Open mindedness does not mean you put yourselves in risky situations. It means you are alert to new situations, new opportunities and new ideas so that when they present themselves you perceive them and subject them to the scrutiny of your best intelligence and
discretion before accepting them or discarding them. It means your decisions are based upon your rationale judgments rather than your preconceived notions about them.
10. Keep your faith: When you are in difficulties, it is really difficult to persevere. It is really really hard to keep doing what you are doing. Oh, how many times you wish you have a clue to where you are going, what you are doing and whether you will eventually succeed or fail in your efforts! In times of difficulties, doubts , discouragement, depression, anxiety, loss of self esteem, criticism and even ridicule from insensitive friends and bystanders dog our path and wear us down. If you study nature, you will realize you harsh nature is towards all failure and weaknesses. Nature has a weird way of dealing with injury and failure. Initially it gives an opportunity to the organism to deal with it, but at the same time sets in
motion a number of hostile forces to work against its defensive and recovery mechanism and defeat it by all means. Nature favors brave beings, strong characters, resolute minds and persistent actions. It is as if each time we fail, nature puts us to this fundamental test to see whether we are really qualified to be a part of this vast existence. Endurance is part of this great struggle. Endurance and persistence are children of faith, faith in yourself, your abilities, your beliefs, your methods, your decisions and your actions. With faith you have a super mind. You belong to a select breed of individuals, the ultimate group of survivors, who cannot be defeated mentally and morally and whose spirit cannot be broken. When you have lost something that
you valued all your life, keep your faith. You will either regain it or develop the ability to cope with it in a successful and positive way to work on the alternatives. This is your life, the life God has given you, to deal with Nature on your terms. You can do it when you have the faith to confront Nature and circumstances on your terms.
11. Be Steadfast: When you are in difficulties, when things are not going the way you want them to, when your existence and survival seems to be threatened, when hostile forces raise their hoods and start hissing, as a rationale being, your first reaction should be to think intelligently and bravely and deal with the situation by developing alternative action plans. You need a plan A, a plan B and perhaps a plan C or D. You need to give a definite shape and time frame to each of these plans, add necessary details and put them into writing for easy and quick reference. Once you have them in place, you may take up your best plan and initiate action. Action is the best antidote to fear and failure and to all that cause, within and without,
that has landed you in the first place into this unfortunate situation. But unless you persevere, action by itself will not be sufficient. You need to be steadfast in your actions, doing what the best of your intelligence tells you to do and keep doing it till you accomplish your goals. You mind is the secret source of combative power to the debilitating forces of nature that are always in conflict with our existence. Adversity is our harshest but best friend because in the end it improves us physically, mentally and spiritually and makes us stand against nature on our terms.
12. Know your goals: Adversity is often a product of confused thinking, lack of proper goals and aims in life. If an individual is doing what he does not like to do or doing what he is not supposed to do or do not know what he should do, chances are he is inviting trouble into his life. It is also true that if a person is already going through difficulties and has not learned this lesson, chances are he may have to cope with more difficulties for a longer time. Resolve today to know what you think your aims are. Try to know to what extent your lack clarity on this issue is causing confusion and restlessness in your life. If you have clearly defined goals and if you are determined mentally to achieve them solutions will come eventually.
You will perceive hidden opportunities present themselves to your conscious mind and leading your towards your goals. Whatever be the gravity of the situation, keep the goals clearly in your mind and focus on them. Make them an integral part of your consciousness, so that whether you are awake of asleep they are there in your subconscious mind secretly awakening and integrating your hidden potentialities to precipitate the reality you so desire. Develop a sincere and genuine, if not serious, urge to achieve your goals. Remember, goals are the hands that shape your dreams in the world of reality.
13. Deal with your fears: If you become a passive self observant and observe yourself and your actions intently for a day or two, you will realize that the most dominant feeling of your daily existence is fear. Fear limits and shapes our actions in myriad ways. The way we dress, the way we communicate with the world in general consciously or unconsciously, the way we establish relationships with people and things, the way we take different decisions, accumulate things or form opinions or stand points, are influenced substantially, if not completely, by our self preservation instinct, which in simple terms means our concern for survival. All our efforts in this world are guided by this singular most concern, which has many other
guises, our concern for approval, our concern for acceptance, our concern for having the best of everything. It is this concern, which drives us to have more and more of what we already have, in the anxiety that what we have may not be sufficient enough to protect us from scarcity when things go wrong. Fear is therefore the most powerful force we need to understand and use effectively and positively in order to deal with our problems of survival. Especially, when a person is threatened by an adverse condition, he need to understand what fears drive him and guide him or what fear limits him and prevents him from achieving his goals. Once you understand the maze of fears that operate in your consciousness you can use them wisely to protect your interest and
to further your goals by separating your genuine concerns from your imaginary and exaggerated ones.
Conclusion: Using your physical mental and spiritual resources, with definite goals, working out a suitable plan of action, with enough faith and confidence in yourself and your abilities, with hope, courage and perseverance you can eventually overcome any obstacle and emerge successfully. Keep faith, keep hope, keep courage, aim for the best and do your best and keep doing till you get the desired result. Remember, adversity is inherent in the very way life is shaped and regulated on earth by the forces of nature. Nature uses adversity to weed out weaknesses in its forms. All religions acknowledge this fundamental fact and exhort us to gain freedom from its control. The only way to deal with adversity at the human level, unless you can
command the help of the gods and Angels, is to deal with it the way Nature want you to deal with it. It is by establishing the fact beyond doubt that when it comes to survival nothing can beat you and that your are a proud specimen of this unique race in the vast spaces of the universe.
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