Being alone and Feeling Lonely


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by Jayaram V

Note: My suggestions are not solutions but pointers. The solutions must come from within yourself. You have to choose and then customize the suggestions according to your requirements and circumstances.

Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same. Being alone refers to a physical situation when no one is around you and your are on your own. Feeling lonely refers to a state of mind when you feel as if you are missing something or someone, or as if you are left out, disliked or rejected by others. It is mostly about how you feel in relation to others and yourself. It is a condition in which one is uncomfortable with others as well as with oneself.

You can be alone and still not feel lonely, and you can be in the middle of a big crowd watching a game and still feel lonely. Thus, loneliness refers to a morbid state of mind in which one may experience depression, fear, unhappiness, fear, or withdrawal. Loneliness is a common problem. It is a social malady, as more and more people feel alienated, discriminated, rejected and unwanted.

Psychologists suggest that feelings of loneliness may arise because of low self-esteem when people do not like themselves or feel good about themselves. They are too judgmental about themselves and others. They avoid the company of others, but do not find any comfort in being alone, because they cannot escape from themselves and their negative self-talk. When people are alone, they tend to become introspective and think about themselves. If they think others are better than themselves and make them happier, they feel even more uncomfortable. They elevate other people in their esteem because they do not like themselves. If you like the company of other people, most likely you do not like being yourself. This is the key to overcome loneliness. Whether you are dealing with other people or alone, you must learn to be yourself. Here are a few suggestions to deal with this problem.

1. Accept yourself: You are the person with whom you spend most of your life and time. If you want to be happy and peaceful most of the time, you must learn to appreciate yourself unconditionally.

2. Be yourself: You do not have to measure yourself against other people's opinion. There is no need to impress others or win their approval. You may do it occasionally, when a relationship becomes important personally or professionally, but you do not have to do as if it is your life's mission. You have to live your life for your happiness, to express yourself and your potentials, and to reach your goals, but not to impress others. You may accept their opinions and criticism for your self-growth, without taking it personally.

3. Know yourself: If you increase your self-awareness, you will understand better your motives and behavior, and control your thoughts and emotions effectively. Whether you are alone or in the company of others, pay attention to your own thoughts and how you feel about yourself, rather than worrying about what others may think about you. The best way to do it to spend time in meditation and contemplation.

4. Spend your free time wisely: When you are alone, use your time wisely. It is the best opportunity to spend some quiet moments with yourself and review what is going on your life and how you are managing your circumstances. If there is nothing else to do, just do nothing. Stay with the moment and enjoy being alone.

5. Get busy: The best cure to loneliness is to get busy with some activity. Busy people do not feel lonely, unless they get busy to escape from themselves. You can use your spare time to learn new skills and hobbies, do housekeeping, volunteer, invite a friend, write a blog, help others, network, join a club, etc.

6. Learn to appreciate: Loneliness arises from self-deprecating attitude, which often manifests as overly critical behavior. People who are prone to loneliness push people away with their negativity. You can repair a lot relationships with simple smile or honest appreciation rather than with a long argument or explanation. Learn to appreciate things and people, even forcefully if necessary, and you will notice the difference. Learn to forgive them mentally, so that you do not have to think about them and feel angry and resentful.

Being alone is a blessing, a rate opportunity to introspect and be yourself. You should find opportunities to spend quiet moments with yourself. If you are having feelings of loneliness and missing other people in your life, examine the underlying cause. See whether you can deal with it by learning to like yourself and be yourself. If you like yourself, you will never feel lonely and you do not suffer from a dependence mentality, as if you cannot live without some people around you.

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