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by Jayaram V
It is easy to dodge our
responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging
our responsibilities. - Josiah Charles Stamp
You must take personal
responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or
the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have
charge of. - Jim Rohn
For the truth is, we control our life. We control how
lucky we are. We create our fortune with our effort. We alone have
the power. - Rick Pitino, Basketball Coach.
Larry weighed 250 pounds. When he looked at
himself in the mirror he did not
like what he saw. It effected his
self-esteem and made him feel bad in the team meetings and the
social gatherings to which he attended. For the last four
or five years he hadn't done enough to keep himself in shape. He
used to do some physical exercises before. But later he got into a
sedentary life style and began spending more time in front of his
laptop
working for a department to which his boss assigned him few years
ago practically to get rid of him. Larry knew in
his heart that he was ignoring an important aspect of his life. But
he let things slip away. He disliked his job. He was annoyed with
his boss, who he believed was responsible for his position in the
company and his poor physique. He blamed his colleagues for
betraying him. He blamed the government for the poor economy and
rising costs.
Four years of neglect and resentment against his
boss and his company took a toll on his
body. He ate unmindfully out of anxiety. He felt pain in his feet as he walked.
He breathed heavily when he spoke on the phone. The chairs creaked as
he sat, often prompting nearby interns to make fun of him on
his back. He had trouble getting into his old suits. He had trouble
climbing a few stairs to his house. His wife and
daughter complained that he snored in the nights and walked slowly
when they went out. He could not walk briskly for long. Occasionally,
when he exercised on the treadmill at home, nagged by his wife, his entire body ached for
rest and he could not go on.
One day Larry sat down for a few hours in his
house, when no one was around, and began analyzing what was
happening to him. He realized that he lost control of his life and
his career. At that precise point in his life, he came to the
conclusion that he had two main choices. He could either live
passively, letting things happen to him as before or take control of
his life actively and do something about the problems that were
bothering him. Larry decided to go for the second option. He wanted
to assume responsibility for his life and do whatever necessary to
change it.
Once he took the decision, he implemented it
immediately. He prepared a good resume, with the help of some books
he borrowed from the local library, and sent it to the local
recruiters and head hunters he knew from his previous contacts. He
called his close friends and asked them to help him network with
important people so that he could seek their opinion about his
career prospects.
He also decided to deal with his weight problem.
He visited a nearby gym and signed a two year contract them. He paid
for a trainer recommended by the gym and began exercising under his
supervision. As Larry began taking charge of his life, it
changed for good. Within a few weeks he began receiving calls from
some companies to which he applied. His experience and previous
achievements helped him in presenting himself positively before the
recruiters. He finally succeeded in getting a good job in a
multinational company. His new boss not only matched his previous
salary but also promised to promote him the next year if he exceeded
his expectations. His previous boss tried to stop him from leaving
the company, by offering him higher pay. But he politely declined.
Larry continued to go to the gym every day to do
regular workout
for more than an hour. On weekends he also went on long walks in
nearby woods. He changed his food habits. In a few months, he lost
most of his excess weight and regained his body shape. He was happy
to see his body responding positively to all the weight exercises he
had been doing under the trainer who kept pushing him. He felt energetic when he
worked on the
machines, burning hundreds of calories. He also stopped eating
at fast food joints during lunch hours. Instead he began carrying
food prepared at home and ate it at his table, listening to quiet
music.
When I met Larry few weeks ago during a business
meeting, I was pleasantly surprised to see the changes in him. The
droop in his gait and the sadness in his face had gone. He looked
healthier and younger. There was a glow in his eyes and a certain
lightness in his walk. During the recess, I asked him what happened.
He told me how he took control of his life and decided to assume
responsibility for his actions.
"Are you happy with what you are doing now?" I asked him.
"Absolutely," he replied with a glowing
face.
"Are you sure you will continue visiting the
gym to do the exercises?"
"Oh, yes. I can't go back
now. That chapter in my life is over," he replied.
I knew Larry somewhat well. I was happy to know
that he learned a valuable lesson in his life. He realized the
importance of taking responsibility for his life and all that
happened to him. What he did was something
special and extraordinary. What happened to him was a life changing
experience. It was not easy for him to break out of his old habits.
But he did it. He took charge of his life, changed his thinking, habits
and responses and assumed responsibility for his physical and mental well
being. He took action, instead of standing by and letting life
consume him with its myriad threats. He set aside all the blame and
complaining he was doing before, acknowledging himself as the key
player in creating and resolving his
personal and professional problems. Larry was one of the few
fortunate individuals who stopped being mere spectators of their own
lives.
The truth is, we are wholly responsible for all
that happens to us in our lives. You cannot blame others. You cannot
blame God. You cannot hold your parents or friends or family members
or any one else responsible for your life and blame them for your
problems and disappointments. You and your life are shaped by your
thoughts, desires, decisions, actions, beliefs, prejudices, and in
short yourself. Others may interfere with your life, only to the
extent you allow them.
This is the secret of our existence upon earth.
You are the author of your life. You are the writer and director of
the tragedy and comedy in your life. You write the screenplay. You
invent the characters and the situations. Things that are seemingly
beyond your control are in fact your own creations. They are the
situations you have attracted towards yourself, knowingly or
unknowingly, in this life or in some previous ones. You are creating
your life, every moment, as you think, as you sleep, and as you act.
When you realize the truth, you will not only make a giant leap
forward in resolving the issues of your life, living
responsibly and actively, taking care of what needs to be done in
your present situation, but also stop holding others
responsible for it.
Whether you believe it or not, you are the driver
of your life. You may seek the
help of God or some one else to help
you get things done. But it is a choice you make, not theirs.
Whatever you are thinking now, whatever decisions you are making
now, on whatever road you wish to travel now and at whatever speed,
all these together determine where you will go ultimately and what
you will achieve. There are basically two fundamental ways in which
you can position yourself in your life: one as an active
participant, creating your own life dynamically through your
thoughts, words and deeds and the second as a passive onlooker,
blaming others for your problems and letting things happen to you
without taking charge. You see people usually flit between these
two categories, sometimes acting responsibly and at other times
letting things happen to them. In either case you are the person who
took the decision and made things happen either passively or
actively.
When you accept the notion that you are the
creator of your life, with God as your willing partner in case you
have chosen Him to be your guide, you assume responsibility for both
your successes and your failures. When things go wrong, instead of
complaining and blaming others, you look at yourself or into
your own self for necessary solutions. You will try to learn from
your failures or think of better solutions to deal them. This is the
greatest blessing of assuming responsibility for yourself and your
life.
When you accept responsibility for your life, you
will see the many changes happening in your life, attitude and responses.
You will be confident and ready for any eventuality. You set goals,
create plans and put your plans into actions. You use your resources
intelligently and efficiently. You begin to accept challenges
realistically and deal with them with clarity and purpose. The
following are some suggestions to help you achieve such a vision.
1. Understand that you alone can change your life. You
cannot change others. But you can change yourself. You are within
your own sphere of influence. Others are not. To think so is an
illusion.
2. Stop blaming others. Even if they are at
fault, recognize your role in letting them make the mistakes.
3. Stop complaining about the myriad things in
your life on which, you believe, you have no control. Stop
criticizing the social, political or economic conditions,
institutions and others for your problems.
4. Begin to pay attention to your self and your
actions and and how your thoughts, actions and decisions are
impacting your life and those around you.
5. Learn from your mistakes and your actions.
When things go wrong, ask yourself questions like, "Why I made
this happen? Why I attracted this situation? What thoughts and
actions precipitated this reality?" and so on. From such
introspection, you will learn from your mistakes and take corrective
action.
6. Minimize your expectations and dependency on
others.
7. Establish positive and more fulfilling
relationships with people in your life, recognizing their rights and
your own responsibility in keeping the relationships. Acknowledge their
value and importance in your life. Give them space to deal with
their own problems. Give them the respect they deserve and also stop
interfering in their lives because you know that just like you they
are also in control of their own lives.
8. Remain focused on your actions as much as on
your goals. Remain in a state of preparedness, without taking any
thing or any one for granted.
9. Do not make any excuses for your failures. Do
not victimize yourself with feelings of helplessness. Do not blame
extrinsic factors for your failures or suffering.
10. Begin to focus more on your responses because
more than the situations it is your responses which determine your
success or failure or your happiness or sorrow in any given
situation.
11. Use the following affirmations to take
responsibility for your life.
1. I take complete personal responsibility for
everything in my life.
2. I am the one who make things happen to me.
3. I am in charge of everything concerning my
life.
4. I may not have control on certain
situations. But I have absolute control over my responses.
5. I create my own destiny through my thoughts,
words and actions. I therefore pay close attention to what has
been going on in my life.
6. I let others choose for themselves what they
want to do in their lives.
7. I can change my thoughts, actions and
responses to change my life or the results I do not like.
8. Each moment of my life I am creating my own
reality. I am attracting things and events through my thoughts,
actions and choices.
9. I refuse to interact with negative people
and instead spend my time in reaching my goals and realizing my
dreams.
10 I refuse to allow things happen to me. I
take action. I respond to problems intelligently. I stay in
control.
This planet belongs to a multitude of living
beings, not just humans but animals and plants. The environment in
which you live is also shared by them. Some of the events that
impact you also impact a million others. But not all the people live
alike or react to their problems alike. When there is a crisis in
life, some panic, while some stay calm. Some escape into fantasy and
illusion, while some stand firm and face the reality. When the
economy is in a downturn, some keep blaming the government and the
business establishments, while some make steps to earn extra income
or minimize their expenditure. There is always something you can do
about the problems and situations in your life. You may not have
control over the world in which you live. But you have control over
your thoughts, actions and reactions. It is the manner in which
you think, act, react or respond to external situations, where you can
assume responsibility for your life and empower yourself to make
things happen. Take charge of your life today. Make things happen.
The sun may rise in the east without your permission. But you can
decide when to wake up and greet the sun.
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