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by Robert Najemy
Harmonious relationships are the result of inner work, love and
deep respect for ourselves and the
other.
Below are some simple basic guidelines for that process
1. Take full responsibility for our reality. We are the sole
creators of our thoughts and feelings. No one can create our
happiness, security or self-worth.
2. Free the other from any responsibility for our reality. We
need to consciously forgive the other and free all others for any
responsibility for the reality, which we have created.
3. Perceive the other as our teacher and learn through both his
and her positive and negative attributes. We learn to emulate the
positive and understand, accept and deal with the negative.
4. Understand what lessons we need to learn through the other¢s
behaviors, which annoy us. (A future article will discuss this.)
5. Learn to communicate more effectively with other with
I-messages where we express our needs clearly and assertively
without accusing, criticizing, complaining or threatening.
6. Understand and accept the other¢s: a. Needs (such as:
affection, love, approval, freedom, respect, unity) b. Beliefs (such
as: I am in danger, I am not worthy, My freedom is in danger) c.
Reactions
7. Do not speak to third persons about our loved one, but only
directly to him or her. (Except of course to a counselor)
8. Participate in groups for the purpose of self-knowledge and
creating interpersonal harmony.
9. See a professional counselor alone or together.
10. Participate in each other¢s activities.
11. Express love and admiration such as: a. Gratitude for help
and service. b. Acknowledgment of what the other does. c.
Recognition of the other¢s abilities, qualities and virtues. d.
Love and appreciation.
12. Meet regularly for communication on all levels. This is best
done on a weekly basis.
13. Daily visualize the other in light and send love. Bring to
mind five of the other¢s positive qualities or abilities. Visualize
a harmonious loving relationship. We cannot create what we cannot
first imagine.
Twenty one positive beliefs about relationships:
1. Relationships are opportunities for evolution into love and
freedom from the ego.
2. They are a means towards our life purpose.
3. Our self-worth and security are within us and do not depend on
being in a relationship.
4. We are free as long as I love.
5.
Relationships are opportunities to merge our will with the other
thus creating a greater reality.
6. It is natural that we support,
inspire and affirm each other.
7. We can be ourselves when we are
free from fear.
8. Mutual love and respect are the basis of all
conscious love relationships.
9. We all deserve lasting love and
respect.
10. We are safe and secure even when we are alone.
11. We
need not prove that we are right - love (rather than being
"right") attracts love.
12. We allow each other the
freedom to be ourselves. 13. We are worthy of love and respect
exactly as we are.
14. The more we know each other, the more we want
to be together.
15. We love each other even when we cannot fulfill
each other¢s needs.
16. We each create our own reality.
17.
Together we create the reality of our relationship.
18. We are
equal.
19. Close relationships are beautiful.
20. We are never hurt
by the other, but only by our own fears, attachments, needs and
expectations.
21. We sacrifice our needs out of love for each other
- not out of fear or duty.
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