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by Elizabeth J. Harris
Introduction
In November 1992, David Craig, head of Religious Broadcasting for
the World Service of the BBC, and Rev. Martin Forward, Interfaith
Officer for the Methodist Church in Britain, visited Sri Lanka to
gather material on Buddhism for a series of programs to be broadcast
in 1993 during a focus on South Asia. I helped to plan their program
and was also asked to prepare a few talks for the World Service's
daily "Words of Faith" spot a four minute pre-recorded
broadcast sent out three times each day. Four talks resulted,
broadcast in April and May 1993. Towards the end of 1993, I was asked
for more and six went out in April and May 1994. Of these ten talks,
eight have been selected for the present Bodhi Leaf: four from the
1994 series (presented first) and the four from the 1993 series
(slightly expanded, placed after the 1994 talks).
The themes of the talks are rooted in my journey, as a Christian,
into Buddhism. In the mid-1980's I felt the need to "let go"
of my own religious conditioning to enter the world of another faith.
It grew from a conviction that people with an interest in religion
should not remain imprisoned within one framework but should explore
others. The choice of Buddhism and Sri Lanka was a natural one for me.
Buddhism's emphasis on meditation and non-violence touched my own
interests as a Christian, and a visit to Sri Lanka in 1984 had left me
with the feeling that my link with the island was not finished.
I originally intended to be in Sri Lanka for one year. One year,
however, became seven and a half, from 1986 until 1993. My aim
throughout was not only to study Buddhism but to practice it. I did
not consider myself involved in "interfaith dialogue"
although I'm sure some perceived my actions in this way. I wanted to
enter Buddhism on its own terms, as a human being rather than as a
Christian. The subjects of all the talks printed here arise from the
personal journey of discovery that resulted. They draw on
conversations with Buddhist friends, travel to different parts of the
country in times of war, the experience of meditation, and my reading
of the Pali texts. Most importantly, they reflect the concerns which
developed as the interests I brought from Britain encountered Buddhism
and Sri Lanka: the relationship between non-attachment and outgoing
compassionate action; the practical meaning of anatta (no soul)
and its implications; the benefit of sati (mindfulness) for the
individual and society; the resources Buddhism can offer to those
working for social justice and inter-ethnic or inter-religious
harmony; the question of a woman's role in society.
My journey into Buddhism was not always an easy one and of course I
could not let go of my Christian conditioning completely, but it has
brought me to a stage when I can say with utter sincerity that I
revere the Buddha and take refuge in his teachings. I remain a
Christian, one who seeks to follow the self-sacrificial path of Jesus
of Nazareth, but I also feel at home in a Buddhist meditation center.
The talks, I hope, will show that this is possible. I dedicate them to
all the Sri Lankan friends who have brought me to a deeper
understanding of the heart of Buddhism.
Elizabeth Harris
June 1994
1. Mindfulness 
Once I told an academic in Sri Lanka that I practiced a Buddhist
form of meditation. Flippantly, he asked whether I was able to
levitate. That's not an uncommon reaction. It confuses meditation with
self-induced trance or making the mind a blank, something that is
unrelated to everyday life. But to make such a confusion is a mistake.
True Buddhist meditation is a vigorous form of mind-training which can
transform both thought and action.
In the Theravada Buddhist tradition, found in Burma, Sri Lanka, and
Thailand, the practice of mindfulness or "bare attention" is
very important. When sitting in meditation, perhaps noting the breath
as it touches the inside of the nostrils, thoughts inevitably enter
the mind. Usually they relate to oneself in the past or the future.
Recent conversations replay themselves. Decisions yet to be made
thrust themselves forward. Reactions of dislike to bodily pains arise.
And occasionally, images freed from a deeper level of our being move
slowly upwards. When thoughts and feelings arise in meditation, they
are to be simply observed. They are not to be repressed or pushed
aside, but neither are they to be allowed complete freedom to
proliferate. Their arising and passing is noted without censure or
praise.
When I first began to meditate I discovered that thoughts and
feelings are fluid, ever changing, often uncontrollable, frequently
illogical and irrational. It was a painful realization, since I had
assumed my mind was under my direct control. But it was also the
beginning of self-knowledge, the beginning of knowing how my mind
worked and the doorway to modifying conditioned and negative patterns
of reaction in my own life.
At one meditation center in Sri Lanka, high in the mountains,
surrounded by tea estates, the first session begins at five in the
morning. I had to get up by candlelight, pull on warm clothes, and
cross the grass to the meditation hall, under a sky often brilliantly
full of stars. One morning, I was gazing at the dark, silvered beauty
of the sky when I heard steps below me. At that moment, I caught my
mind saying, "Go on into the meditation hall so that they can see
you were up first." Normally, I would have hurried into the hall
to show my punctuality, but on that occasion I noted the thought,
recognized the element of competition, and consciously refused to act
on it. I stayed for several more moments rapt in the pre-dawn
stillness, feeling the cool air against my skin, and I was certainly
not the first to settle my cushions before the silent, candle-lit
image of the Buddha. And I know it was the practice of sati, of
mindfulness, which made that moment of insight into my own competitive
egotism possible, insight into a childish wish to impress, to be top
of the class.
Meditation of this kind is hard work. It has nothing to do with
making the mind a blank, though it can lead to peace and calm when the
racing mind stills and there is only the present moment. One monk who
taught me put it this way: "Meditation is the ultimate practice
of non-violence. Suffering, pain, and feelings of anger are not
suppressed but faced, confronted, and transformed."
2. Non-Retaliation 
In one sermon of the Majjhima Nikaya, one of the five sections
within the
collection of sermons in the Pali Canon, the Buddha says to
his disciples:
Monks, as low-down thieves might carve you limb from limb with a
double-handed saw, yet even then whoever sets his mind at enmity,
he, for this reason, is not a doer of my teaching. This is how you
must train yourselves: neither will my mind become perverted, nor
will I utter an evil speech, but kindly and compassionate will I
dwell, with a mind of friendliness and devoid of hatred.
The vividness of this picture has always moved me a thief
hacking off my arms and legs with a saw. And it isn't that
far-fetched. War involves such butchery. The denial of human rights
under totalitarian regimes produces similar horror, and so does the
obsessional urge of a multiple murderer. Fear, terror, or violent
retaliation in self-protection would seem the natural reactions to
such an attack, the reaction programmed into our bodies.
Yet the challenge of Buddhism here is: do not retaliate, do not
hate; show compassion to all people even if they are about to kill
you. It is a challenge which reaches out from other religions also.
Jesus of Palestine, suffering the agony of being nailed through his
flesh to rough wooden posts, forgave his killers and felt compassion
for them in their blindness.
But does this imply that Buddhism advocates that we should never
protect ourselves or others from violence, that we should submit to
whatever exploitation we are subjected to, that in the face of evil
forces we should remain passive? To answer "yes" is to
misread Buddhism and all true religion. Buddhism does not support
passivity in the face of violence and evil. Rather, it encourages a
mental attitude which can face and oppose violence without fear or
hatred.
Nowhere in the Buddhist texts is it suggested that we should remain
inactive when others are suffering. Nowhere does it say we should
refrain from action if someone is murdering our son, daughter,
neighbor, or colleague in front of our eyes. In such situations,
suffering must be relieved, violence must be denounced, self-sacrifice
might even be demanded, though the Buddhist texts also warn that to
meet violence with violence brings a spiral of further violence. What
the Buddhist texts do say is that to hate, to feel anger towards the
doer of violence, is self-defeating. It harms the hater more than the
hated.
In the ancient Buddhist texts, we come across many stories of
non-hatred deflecting violence and making it powerless. One woman,
because she refuses to feel hatred, is unharmed when burning oil is
poured over her by a jealous co-wife. And when a monk dies of
snakebite, the Buddha says he would not have died if he had radiated
loving kindness to the world of snakes. This might seem utopian in a
world shot through with violence. The skeptic could point to the
deaths of Gandhi in India, Oscar Romero in El Salvador, and Michael
Rodrigo in Sri Lanka to show that the most compassionate of beings
have been unable to escape violent deaths caused by the greed and
hatred of others.
But the force of these religious teachings will remain. Violence is
not overcome by violence. Hatred is not defeated by hatred. Our lives
are not made more secure by wishing to protect them. To face death
without hatred or fear, even towards our killers, is the path of
sainthood. These are eternal truths.
3. The Brahmaviharas
A professor of Theravada Buddhism once asked me, "Why is it
assumed, at all the interfaith gatherings I attend, that God is the
uniting factor among the religions? We should be concentrating on
humanity rather than divinity."
When it is taken for granted that all people of faith worship a
Supreme Creator and Sustainer God, Buddhists and Jains are excluded.
Although Buddhists believe that there are gods living in heavens, they
do not ascribe creative power to them, nor do they believe that these
gods have any influence over ultimate human liberation.
Belief in God cannot, therefore, provide common ground between
Buddhists and religions such as Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. But
can common ground be found in what religions say about humanity or
about how we can work for a humane society? I believe the answer is
"yes." Buddhism speaks of four brahmaviharas, or
"divine abidings," and these qualities permeate the whole of
Buddhist teaching. They are metta loving kindness; karuna
compassion; mudita sympathetic joy; and upekkha
equanimity.
Metta is boundless loving kindness radiated to all beings
to friends and enemies, the known and the unknown, the lovely and
the unlovely. It is an action-changing mental orientation. Karuna
is seen where people are so sensitive to the sufferings of others that
they cannot rest until they act to relieve that suffering. To a
greater degree than metta, karuna involves action. Mudita
is a quality which challenges me greatly. To show mudita is to
show joy in the success of others, to be free from jealousy or
bitterness, to celebrate happiness and achievement in others even when
we are facing tragedy ourselves.
As for upekkha, equanimity, this has often been
misunderstood as indifference, as apathy in the face of human pain,
the very antithesis of compassion. But upekkha is really
freedom from the self-centeredness which clouds understanding and
destroys true discernment. People with upekkha are not pulled
this way and that by emotional reactions that have more to do with the
ego than with true concern for others. They can see right from wrong
and can act with wisdom.
The brahmaviharas speak to me of the ideals that should
direct our lives the ideals that can create the kind of society
any truly religious person yearns for. Such a society would be one
where loving kindness and compassion triumph over greed, where the
success of one person does not mean the demeaning or exploitation of
others, where rulers are guided by clear principles of right and wrong
rather than hunger for praise or power. These "divine abidings"
give a picture of the truly good. They touch the hope of all religions
and can bring unity of purpose independent of a concept of God.
So let compassion for the good of humanity be at the forefront of
religious encounters. May those who come from the monotheistic
traditions discover that they can share their hopes for a righteous
society with their Buddhist neighbors. May Buddhists find themselves
united with their Jewish, Christian, and Muslim friends in working for
a world where loving kindness takes the place of greed.
4. Vesak
In May 1991 I traveled from war-torn Jaffna in northern Sri Lanka
to the South. It was at Vesak, the time when Buddhists celebrate three
major events in the life of their Master: his birth, his awakening
into Buddhahood, and his passing away into final Nibbana. It was like
moving from one world into another. In the North, the tension was
palpable towns gutted by fighting, vast stretches of empty roads,
people with hardship in their eyes. But as we crossed over into the
South, there was celebration. Groups of boys flagged down our car to
thrust fruit drinks into our hands. Lanterns of wire and colored paper
hung in porches with their streamers flowing in the breeze. And nearer
Colombo came the first of the pandals massive, temporary
structures by the road, brilliantly lit, telling in pictures Buddhist
stories of how self-sacrifice triumphs over violence, how compassion
vanquishes hatred.
Vesak is the most important religious festival of the Buddhist
year. It is marked by light, pilgrimage, and the re-telling of
stories. At its heart is remembrance of the Buddha's solitary striving
in meditation under a tree near Gaya in India 2500 years ago.
The serene face of the Buddha image can give the impression that
this striving led to an experience of the metaphysical. But Prince
Siddhattha became the Buddha not because he was lifted beyond the
world but because he saw the real nature of the world. It had been his
sensitivity to human suffering that had made him leave his wife and
son years before. He had wanted an answer to the question: Why? Why
was life shot through with the pain of illness, bereavement, and
unrealized longings? At Bodhgaya, he found it. He saw that humans were
bound to anguish-filled lives because their interpretation of the
world was wrong. He saw that our fault was to believe that our lives,
our possessions, and our hopes are centered around an unchanging self
which has to be protected and promoted. He saw that only suffering was
the result, fuelled by the greeds and hatreds flowing from selfish
craving.
"All formations are impermanent," is what the Buddha
understood. Self-centered clinging, he realized, was the fruit of
delusion. With this came liberation. The prison of selfhood
evaporated. Raga and dosa, greed and hatred, were
destroyed. Boundless compassion was released and he could teach the
world that suffering has a cause and can be eradicated.
At Vesak Buddhists celebrate this knowledge that suffering can be
ended, that within the pain of life there is hope. In 1991 and today
in 1994, that celebration takes place against the backdrop of war, in
Sri Lanka and elsewhere war caused by interlocking structures of
injustice, rooted in human greed and human illusion, throwing the
innocent before the barrel of a gun or under the rubble of a shelled
building. My hope is that the Buddha's message will not only be heard
but acted upon. All war and conflict can be traced back to some form
of craving or delusion. It may be craving for power, or domination by
an individual or group, or the delusion which flows from distorted
history or myth. Vesak should call us to analyze the causes of our
bloodletting, to see where craving and greed cloud objectivity and
prevent peace.
The story goes that the Buddha was at first loathe to share with
others what he had learned because so few would understand its hard
but liberating message. Our fortune is that he did share it. The
health of our world depends on whether we act on that message.
5. The Self in Buddhism and Christianity
Sri Pada, in Sri Lanka, is over 7,000 feet high and has been a
place of pilgrimage for centuries. At the summit is a huge footprint,
claimed variously to be that of the Buddha, Adam, and Lord Shiva. From
December to May is the pilgrimage season. Each night during this
season, thousands of devotees climb up an illuminated, lengthy ascent
of steps. From a distance, the dark shape seems to have a diamond
necklace thrown down its side. Sometimes the crowd is so large that
pilgrims have to pause at each step they climb. The pressure on the
leg muscles is incredible. An elderly Buddhist friend of mine climbed
on such a night. She told me that the only way she could force her
legs through the ordeal was to say of the pain, "This is not
mine, this is not me."
She says the same in her meditation practice, and I have learned to
do so too. When sitting in absolute stillness, irritations come,
mosquitoes bite, pain from the knees shoots up, the strong urge to
relieve itchy skin arises. But it is possible to conquer the wish to
move or scratch by seeing the pain simply as pain and not as belonging
to an "I." The pain becomes an object for meditation. It
becomes a process that can be observed. This snaps the thread of our
usual response to irritation, which is to claim it as ours and
to seek to be rid of it. And it can also train the mind to detect and
halt negative reactions to other forms of attack on our persons in
everyday life.
All this touches on anatta, the Buddhist concept of no-self
or no-soul. Anatta was seized on by nineteenth century
Christian missionaries to Sri Lanka as something which proved Buddhism
was absolutely nihilistic. For instance, Rev. Thomas Moscrop, a
Methodist missionary, claimed in 1889 that Buddhism "is too
pessimistic, too cold, too antagonistic to the constitution of human
nature to take the world captive" (The Ceylon Friend, 16
October 1889). But I have not found nihilism in what Buddhists have
said to me about anatta. Some years ago, one friend said,
"If there is no belief in self, there is no worry; there is no
reason to become angry or hurt." To her, the idea was liberating.
It was freedom from being tied to self-promotion and self-protection.
I can remember how deeply her words challenged me. They helped me
to see that Buddhism and Christianity are not in opposition here. The
frameworks are different but the practical path towards human
liberation touches both. Both religions speak about a wrong concept of
the self. Buddhism says: Don't think you are fixed, unchanging. You
are forever flowing, shifting, interconnected with the whole cosmos.
Free yourself from clinging to the idea that you are separate and have
to fight against the world to keep your identity intact. Christianity
also has something radical to say. The Methodists, a Christian
denomination which arose in eighteenth century England, have a
Covenant Service on the first Sunday of each new year in which they
pledge obedience to God. At one point they say, "I am no longer
my own but thine." Saint Paul, in his letters to new churches,
speaks of having lost his old self. To the Christians of Colossae in
Greece, he says, "For you have died and your life is hid with
Christ in God" (Colossians 3:3). All of these sayings point to a
death of the egotistical self and a loss of self-sufficiency and
self-worship.
Both Buddhism and Christianity say that the self which insists on
its separateness from the rest of life is doomed. Buddhism says that
such a self has no objective existence as an unchanging entity.
Christianity says the self has to die to give way to a higher power of
love. Both point to the liberation that comes when we transcend care
for self, when we refuse to exert protective ownership over our lives
and persons. I have certainly found that if we do not cling to pain,
hurt, and fear as ours but accept them as part of the changing
flux of existence, if we do not seek to protect our identity and
safety at all costs, we will be able to climb more than Adam's Peak.
We are liberated into a new way of seeing and a new openness to the
ever-changing process of existence.
6. Detachment and Compassion
A Christian missionary in Sri Lanka once said to me with great
sincerity, "The Buddha image speaks to me of coldness, of
non-involvement, of a turning away from life. I prefer the image of
Jesus Christ with his robes dirty with the sweat of the poor."
One stereotype of Buddhism is that it supports a withdrawal from
the suffering of the world, a renunciation of active involvement with
society. An inter-religious conference I attended a few years ago
stays in my mind because one of the western participants insisted that
outward-moving compassion was not an important part of Buddhism. My
encounter with Buddhism forces me to challenge this stereotype. I did
so at that conference and I continue to do so. It is outsiders
European observers and those seeking an escape from the world who
have projected onto Buddhism the encouragement of indifference to the
agony within human life. It does not rise from within. Buddhism
certainly speaks of destruction, renunciation, and detachment, but it
is detachment from all those things which prevent compassion from
flowing from possessiveness, competitiveness, and selfishness. Viraga,
one of the Pali words translated as detachment, actually means
"without raga" without lust, without possessive
craving not without concern for our world.
When I told a Buddhist monk here in Sri Lanka of my experience at
that inter-religious conference, he simply said, "Without
compassion, there can be no Buddhism." And that compassion is an
active one. Buddhaghosa, the great fifth century commentator who came
from India to work in Sri Lanka, gives several meanings to the
Buddhist concept of compassion. He writes: "When there is
suffering in others it causes good people's hearts to be moved, thus
it is compassion. Or alternatively, it combats others' suffering and
demolishes it, thus it is compassion. Or alternatively, it is
scattered upon those who suffer, or extended to them by pervasion,
thus it is compassion" (The Path of Purification [Visuddhimagga,
translated by Bhikkhu Ñanamoli, BPS 1975], IX, 92). To extend
compassion to others in meditation is certainly part of Buddhist
practice, but so too is the effort to combat and demolish suffering.
To combat suffering involves more than refraining from doing harm. It
implies action to liberate others both from social forces which
dehumanize and from imprisoning thought patterns which hinder
wholeness and the living of a religious life. Such action is seen in
the life of the Buddha and in the lives of all truly enlightened ones.
For me, the picture of Jesus Christ with his clothes marked with
the suffering of the poor and the image of the Buddha do not
contradict one another. They are not in conflict or competition.
Compassion unites them. Jesus stretched his hands out to the poor and
those despised in his society, taking into himself the world's evil.
The Buddha, out of compassion for humans caught in the pain and
suffering of existence, left his wife and son to seek a path of
liberation for all.
In Polonnaruwa, one of the ancient, now ruined, capitals of Sri
Lanka, there is a rock temple, the Gal Vihara, where three massive
images are formed out of the stone. Two are of the Buddha. Peace seems
to radiate from them and has done so for over 800 years. Yet it is not
the peace of indifference or apathy. It is the peace of wisdom and
compassion, which arises when the heart-rending nature of human
violence and human greed is fully realized. It is not an anguished,
twisted scream of torture at the nature of the world's inhumanity, but
a silent, gentle embodiment in stone of empathy, compassion, and
strength. In front of these very images, Thomas Merton, an American
Christian monk of this century whose religious journey brought him
very close to Buddhism, was urged to write, "The rock, all
matter, is charged with dharmakaya... everything is emptiness
and everything is compassion."
The Buddha image speaks to me, therefore, both of the wisdom which
sees into the causes of human suffering and also of the compassion
which lies at the very heart of true enlightenment. And it stirs me to
try to do something to demolish some of the pain of our world.
7. Buddhism and Social Justice
Among such humans, brethren, there will arise a sword period of
seven days during which they will look on each other as wild beasts;
sharp swords will appear ready to their hands, and they thinking,
"This is a wild beast," will with their swords deprive each
other of life.
These words from the Pali Canon come towards the end of the Cakkavatti
Sihanada Sutta of the Digha Nikaya. Here the Buddha describes the
process whereby a society slides into a state of absolute anarchy and
violence, reaching the point where all respect for the preciousness of
human life is lost and humans kill each other without guilt or
remorse. Stealing appears first, then murder; false speech and sexual
promiscuity follow. Religion is undermined; respect for elders
disintegrates; human life loses its worth. It is a horrifying picture
of growing bestiality that is as relevant today as it was when first
spoken.
When I first met Buddhism, an important question for me was what
Buddhism had to say about the problems of violence and injustice,
problems which affect every nation. The classic formula at the heart
of Buddhism is that it is tanha, craving, which lies at the
root of the world's misery. Often this is seen in a very
individualistic way. The Buddhist path is held up as an escape route
from suffering through withdrawal from society and through mental
culture. I do not downplay this emphasis. The importance of
mind-training was central to the Buddha's teaching. It holds the key
to the liberating insight that can transform human life. Yet I have
found that individual psychological factors are not the only ones
emphasized in the Buddhist texts. The texts do give pictures
for anyone concerned with justice and harmony within the body of
society.
In the text I started with, the chain of causality which results in
bestiality goes back to the State, the king, who forgets one of the
duties ascribed to a just ruler in Buddhism. It is this: "And
whosoever in thy kingdom is poor, to him let wealth be given." By
overlooking this, the king denied the poor a living, and from this
a refusal to create economic justice flows stealing, murder,
lying, immorality, and bestiality. What I find interesting is that the
accusing finger is pointed at the structures of power and not at evil
qualities in the ordinary people. And the message is: violence and
social breakdown are inevitable if people are denied the means to live
with dignity. To use a Christian term, the poor in the myth are
"sinned against" by their ruler. They are victims of
structural injustice and their urge to survive corrupts the whole
fabric of society.
The story within the Cakkavatti Sihanada Sutta, however,
does not end with the sword period. When the depths of brutality have
been reached, there are some who see the enormity of their fall from
humane values. They go into retreat into caves, jungle dens, and
caverned tree trunks and emerge to embrace one another and to
restore harmony through the recovery of moral sense. A deterioration
from the state downwards is transformed into a regeneration from the
bottom upwards, through the will and discernment of the people
themselves.
The message of this sutta challenges all those who see religion
purely in individualistic terms. It demonstrates Buddhism's very real
concern for social justice and also the stress it places on analyzing
the root causes of disharmony and violence. It presents society as a
net of interacting, interdependent beings who are helped or hindered
from living wholesome lives by the forces which flow from the state or
world structures. In Sri Lanka, I have met groups seeking to find
elements in Buddhism relevant to social issues. This mythological
story is one of them. It can be a resource to all of us. It urges us
to look at the society in which we live critically and to ask,
"Is there a deterioration of human values?" If so, we must
ask further, "Does our society create the conditions in which
each person can live with dignity?" If it does not, then Buddhism
encourages not only a path of individual mental culture but also the
kind of social involvement which recognizes the ability of ordinary
people to change their situation and which seeks to struggle for a
more just world where none is denied resources to live.
8. Compassion
Kataragama is a place of pilgrimage in the south of Sri Lanka, holy
to both Buddhists and Hindus. In 1989, I went to their annual
festival. On the final night, as elephants, drummers, and dancers were
slowly and gracefully moving along the path between the shrine to Lord
Kataragama and the Kiri Vehera, the Buddhist temple, with its
milk-white dagoba, two powerful grenades were lobbed into the
crowd, made up mainly of poor villagers but containing one political
dignitary. About fifteen people were killed and many more were
injured, especially in the rush to escape the sacred area. It was the
time when the JVP, the People's Liberation Front, was attempting to
seize political power through the gun and the death threat.
At Kataragama, religious devotion was shattered by blood in a
pattern not unfamiliar in Sri Lanka. Both Hindus and Muslims have also
been attacked when worshipping. Political concerns and religion have
touched. In this context, the inter-religious encounter that I began
in 1986 as a student of Buddhism in Sri Lanka, also became a journey
into suffering and painful political reality, which included the
violent death of friends and sharing the fear of those who were
threatened. An important question for me at this time was how to cope
with the suffering around me without being destroyed, how to empathize
with others and deal with my own fear for the safety of dear ones.
In any situation of violence or war, there is a choice to be made
to become vulnerable to the pain involved or to raise defenses
against it in a refusal to recognize its existence. Many raise
defenses because such a path seems easier. For to become vulnerable is
to let go of control the control we place on our feelings when we
repress them or fight them. And such a loss can be frightening. I
found myself choosing vulnerability in Sri Lanka. I chose to look
violence in the face. I chose to see its horror and to recognize the
fear and pain it brings rather than to push these things from my
consciousness.
The experience would not have been bearable if not for an encounter
with compassion. For it was when I became aware, in my whole being
rather than only at the level of the intellect, that what I was
feeling was the pain of a nation, a world, rather than simply my own
pain, that I was able to cope with it. It was the realization of
interconnectedness that we are woven one with another an
insight central to Buddhism. I saw that there is a common core of
suffering in life which links us together so that to become vulnerable
is inevitably to become aware not only of one's own pain but also of
that of others. When I had reached this point of insight, compassion
came like a gift and I learned that it could destroy bitterness and
paralysis. Behind pain lies compassion compassion for all beings
caught up in the violence of existence.
It was at this time that I wrote the following words, disturbed by
the number of people who seemed undisturbed by the fact that Sri Lanka
had become a killing field:
Our eyes no longer cloud in grief
The sword no longer twists in our own heart
Moans on the wind no longer weaken our limbs
For we have grown accustomed, tamed
Our vulnerability encased in self-erected stone.
Do we need to relearn how to feel?
How to chip away what we ourselves have built
To sense again the rising of agony,
the breaking of control
As drops of blood become a river
And tears merge with its bitter flow.
Is this asking too much?
That we should so open our bodies to pain
To the shadowy part of our deeper selves
Where the hurt and joy of a cosmos lie
And compassion, like a fertile seed,
awaits to grow?
I feel we must open ourselves up. We must recognize the suffering
which lies at the heart of existence and then let compassion arise and
strengthen us to struggle against all that dehumanizes.
| Source:
Bodhi Leaves No. 134 (Kandy: Buddhist Publication Society,
1994). Transcribed from a file provided by the BPS, with minor
revisions in accordance with the ATI style sheet. Pali
diacritics are represented using the Velthuis convention.
Copyright © 1994 Elizabeth J. Harris. Reproduced, reformatted
and added bookmarks to Access to Insight edition © 2005 For
free distribution. This work may be republished, reformatted,
reprinted, and redistributed in any medium. It is the author's
wish, however, that any such republication and redistribution be
made available to the public on a free and unrestricted basis
and that translations and other derivative works be clearly
marked as such. |
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